I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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