I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
