honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
