I wish I could teleport
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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