Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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