i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
