DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize