Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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