we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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