im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Alive.
So much puke
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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