And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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