There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
