my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
