i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
