Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
