I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
