I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
