she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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