thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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