david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
