before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
