Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
