CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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