he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
