giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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