After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
