I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
