the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You are the jesus of drinking
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
