So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
