I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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