I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
