Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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