sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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