You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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