Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
