Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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