dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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