Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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