On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
