he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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