You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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