I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
