She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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