similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
