Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if only i could text you this smell
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
