Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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