I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
