I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
