i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
