I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
