Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
please come you make the beer taste better
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
