what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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