I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's on the porch naked. Help.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
