I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
