party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
