Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
