so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
