They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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