I just made out with a guy for $7.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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