im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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