this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
