Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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