I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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