hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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