i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
