I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
