So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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