im drinking this country out of the recession.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
