he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
