Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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