My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize