____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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