why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
