one might say we're banned from that church
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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